i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
