I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
