just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
