i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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