Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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