Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
