would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
