hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
In America we eat man semen.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
