Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
