So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
