Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
