Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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