Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
