I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
