I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
