i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You can't motorboat a personality
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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