I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
