Can Purell be used as lube?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
