i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
