Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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