Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
