good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And then he peed in my hair
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
