No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
