I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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