I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
