I checked into jail on foursquare
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
