I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
