Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
