The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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