how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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