i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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