you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
