I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
