Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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