Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
