And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
