They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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