goodnight i made you a song goodbye
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
