Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
