I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
