whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
