You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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