i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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