oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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