Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
