Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
