Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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