1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
