Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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