Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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