dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
