My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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